Day 13: Star Trek the Original Series " The Conscience of the King"

It seems Trekking every day can become a bit of a pain in the ass. Logistically doing the blog every day just isn't feasible. Even Kirk is fallible in some ways right? (trick question, the answer of course is no) I'll try to post every day but hey shit happens and If I find myself hung over after an all night Saurian Brandy bender I won't be posting.

Ok, Let's get to it. This episode deals with the age old question "do I kill 4000 people to save 4000 others?" I know I asked myself this just the other day when I noticed someone used the last Post-Its at the office. Kirk's buddy Dr. Leighton brings him to Planet Q under false pretenses to inform him that he believes the leader of a traveling acting troupe might be the infamous Kodos "the Executioner." Kodos earned the moniker "the executioner" twenty years earlier when he killed 4000 people in order to save 4000 others from starvation. Don't you remember the big famine on Tarsus IV where a space fungus had destroyed the ration supply.
It's simple right, pick up this Kodos character and put him on trial. Ahhh.....but the rub you see is that Kodos has an incredibly hot daughter that Kirk falls for complicating the matter. It's all very Shakespearean as we find out that It's Kirks new space lady that has been killing the only surviving people who can identify Kodos. She then kills her father on accident, on stage of course, in a sort of symbolic justice. (that wacky Shakespeare!) For the most part I became distracted by the incredibly low-fi way she attempted to poison Lt. Kevin Riley's milk. I mean is this how space poison is slipped into a drink in the 23rd century? It's a goddamn spray bottle.

Day 12: Star Trek the Original Series " The Menagerie, Part 2"

I've always thought these episodes kind of sucked. Basically the whole two parter is an excuse to cut the original pilot episode "The Cage" into the season thus saving the cost of making the pilot and producing an extra episode in a pinch. Meh... Read all about it here it's sort of convoluted and has Spock acting too out of character for my taste, it's all a bit forced. It does give you some insight into original production design and the Captain Pike the original choice to lead the Enterprise.

Day 11: Star Trek the Original Series " The Menagerie, Part 1"

Did I watch Trek tonight............Beep. Do I feel like blogging tonight...............Beep, Beep.

Day 10: Star Trek the Original Series " The Carbomite Maneuver"

Dear God, please save us from Clint Howard. It seems this freakish monster has been haunting the minds of man since he first appeared on the air in 1966. As if 1995's master piece the Ice Cream Man wasn't enough, Clint Howard has to appear into tonight's Trek episode like some sort of bald harbinger of death. The man who single handedly put back the bald cause fifty years rearers his glabrous dome to test the crew of the Enterprise. Does he dare show his freakish form to the crew right away? Oh no, he uses this much more aesthetically pleasing representation to lull the crew into a false sense of security.

Using what Kirk describes as a "poker" technique also know as "lying" he saves the enterprise from the young Clint Howard. Leaving behind a young Lt. Bailey to which I can only assume becomes Clint Howard's joy boy of some sort.

And here is yet another homoerotic picture of Kirk.

Day 9: Star Trek the Original Series "Dagger of the Mind"

Everybody do the Mind Meld!

First of all I would advise my readership never to voluntarily sit down in any devise with the name "Neural Neutralizer." Unfortunately for Kirk he thinks that testing out the old "neural neutralizer" on a penal colony that both Spock and Bones warned was dangerous is a totally acceptable idea. This episode finds Kirk crew thwarting the evil plans space warden Dr. Adams. Dr. Adams it seems uses his neutralizer to make suggestions to rehabilitate his prisoners leaving them the modern day equivalent of FOX news viewers.......ZING! Kirk being the general badass that he is fights his way through the suggestion and sends his incredibly hot assistant Dr. Noel to shut down the machine.

Other than the hot Dr. Noel and the first ever mind meld this episode is pretty run of the mill. Although there is a small moment near the end that Kirk shows a little vulnerability. Very little, I mean for fucks sake he's Kirk.

Day 8: Star Trek the Original Series "Miri"

Ok day 8. I'm still a little tired from yesterday's shoot in Tulsa and I've seen this episode quite a bit in syndication so I'm not going to go wax on and on. The Enterprise comes upon a planet that is identical to earth except for the fact that all of the adults have died off. It seems that a virus kills kids as they enter puberty but slows down their growth. This means that all the kids are hundreds of years old and Kirk and the landing party immediately get the virus. Unfortunately this means Yeoman Janice Rand's legs get all fucked up. Nooooooo..... Eventually Spock and Bones find a cure and all is well. Although, Bones does infect himself with a vaccine without knowing if it will kill him, and all he had to do was wait roughly six minutes or so. It seems a like a pretty dumb-ass move, but I guess it created tension and what not, because you think he might be dead for a minute or two. Solid episode, a planet full of kids is pretty scary. Although no explanation of the the planet looking exactly like earth is given and Michael J. Pollard looks exactly the same age as he does now. Coincidence? I think not.

Day 7: Star Trek the Original Series "What Are Little Girls Made of?"

Doing a shoot all day in Tulsa so today's post will be a bit brief. Kirk can make an android love. And I leave you with this.

Day 6: Star Trek the Original Series "Mudd's Women"

This episodes opens with Kirk and crew chasing a ship through an astroid belt. Putting the Enterprise in danger and just barely getting the crew off the renegade ship before it's destroyed by an astroid. On board the flamboyant smuggler Harcourt Fenton Mudd and his three 60's sultry vixens. Here's the rub. The enterprise seems to have run all out of lithium crystals saving Mudd and his ladies and has to change course to Rigel XXI a Lithium mining planet. The crew of the ship can't seem to help but ogle the ladies and it's quickly discovered they have a hypnotic effect on the crew. An onboard trial confirms Mudd's criminal past and he is placed under space arrest. The ladies it seems are to be wedded to desolate outpost where the need for lovely space vagina is most needed. Using the ladies Mudd manages to contact the three male members of Rigel XXI's mining crew and work out a deal, the crystals for the ladies and Mudd's freedom. Kirk wants none of this but eventually acquiesces when the ship, low on power, is about to spiral down and crash into the planet. It turns out however that Mudd's women are actually quite homely and are kept beautiful by the Venus drug. In the end after a rather embarrassing monologue that points out how male dominated the 60's were the ladies are accepted by the miners, even though they are "ugly." whaaaaa!?...... You see kids it's the inner beauty that we posses that makes horny lithium crystal miners want us.

Day 5: Star Trek the Original Series "The Enemy Within"

This episode is classic Trek getting to the heart

of the human condition style shit. In this

installment a transporter accident leads to the literal case of a man breaking down to the id, the ego, and the William Shatner. What transpires is a goldmine of Kirk facial exaggerations.

While on a geographical exploration of Alpha 177 a crew member is beamed up with some sort of space ore that effects the magnetic something or another with the transporter. When

Kirk beams up from the planet he is split into two Kirks, one made up of all the "negative"

aspects and one of al the "good." The problem you see is that it's the negative aspects mixed

with the positive ones that make Kirk Kirk. Without his inner moral compa

ss to he goes on a

Saurian brandy bender and attempts to get space freaky on Yeoman Janice Rand. Now that's just not cool evil Kirk. Eventually after a Spock brings down the Vulcan thunder with a nerve pinch Evil Kirk is restrained and the now indecisive and frightened good Kirk must make the risky decision to use the transporter to join the two Kirks together together again.

This good Kirk, bad Kirk wrangling is made all the more urgent due to the fact that Sulu and the rest of the landing party are stuck on Alpha 177's surface that plummeting to extreme colds as night falls. After some sweet Kirk on Kirk action they are both transported and brought back as one. This episode is classic.

It also has this sweet shot of Sulu carrying a little horned dog. The second least gay thing Sulu does.

Day 4: Star Trek The Original Series "The Naked Time"

I'm no Federation specialist on communicable diseases but when beamed down to a planet where everybody is dead under unusual circumstances I would advise against doing this.

This brillliant move by Crewman Joe Tormolen leads to the crew of the Enterprise being infected with what Spock so eloquently describes as a new sort of "space madness." Joe eventually becomes despondent and offs himself with a butter knife but not before infecting Sulu and other crew members. This "space madness" leads to what can only be described as George Takei's least gay moment ever as he tries to take on the crew with his fencing foil.

In the enusing madness Lt. Kevin Riley the ships navigator takes control leading the ship on a collision course with the planet they were sent to witness the destruction of. The space madness it turns out replicates the effects of severe intoxication and breaks down inhibitions causing Spock to break down. Loosing control of his Vulcan emotional side Spock's human side begins to weep like a child.

Eventually Bones comes up with a "space madness serum" and Kirk and Scotty come up with a risky maneuver to get the ship out of an orbit that would have caused them to crash into the planet PSI 2000. This maneuver, something to with with matter and anti-matter, causes to the ship to go back in time three days and sets the stage for lots of time traveling in the future I am sure.

Day 3: Star Trek the Original Series "Where No Man Has Gone Before"

Sorry for the inadequate post on this episode. Posting from the road is turing out to be a little trickier than I initially thought. If anyone knows of a good app that's Blogger friendly for the iPhone it would be appreciated. I just wanted to say That Yeoman Janice Rand has now been substituted by Elizabeth Dehner as my Star Trek love.

Also, nine crewman are killed in this episode meaning to date that's 13 crewman Kirk has lost under his command. It seems being stationed to the Enterprise is a bit of a death warrant. According to Kirk in the "Charlie X" episode there are only 428 crew members on board, so there are only 419 left. Get your shit together Kirk!

Ok, I'm Treking from the road so I'm not sure how this is going to work out. This episode was supposed to be first one on the air but was thought to be too cerebral. Short description: Space cloud, Kirks's old college buddy and the hot new psychiatrist on board turn into some sort of kick ass psychic gods, Kirk saves day after inter-god/human struggle. Sorry that's it I'm in Dallas and there's fucking Brother's pizza to eat!

-Corey out.

And if your ever in Dallas get some of the best pie ever.

Day 2: Star Trek the Original Series "Charlie X"

First of all when a kid that just boarded your ship makes this face you can pretty much guess that the shits going south.

In this episode the above creep show Charlie Evens is transported to the Enterprise by the crew of the Antares, it just so happens they forgot to mention that Charlie is some sort of omnipotent being capable of doing just about anything. (except looking even somewhat normal in every scene) Turning people into lizards, making their face disappear, Charlie broke Spock's legs for looking at him the wrong way for gods sake. Charlie is basically the kid from the Twilight Zone episode "It's a Good Life" but with an alien twist ending. He falls for Yeoman Janice Rand, and yes I hope those space babies of mine are soon on their way, but when she rebukes his ever increasingly freakish advances he looses his shit and threatens the crew of the Enterprise. In the end it turns out Charlie is just a misunderstood Thasian teen that wants the love of non green translucent parental figures.

Oh yea, and here is the sweetest homoerotic pic of Kirk to date.

Day 1: Star Trek the Original Series "The Man Trap"

Go ahead, hit play.

You're probably wondering why I called you here. It's to announce that I'll be blogging my way through every episode in the entire Trek canon. But... Jesus Corey, that would take like two years, we'll my nebbish friends it will take almost exactly two years. I've crunched the numbers and they work out like this.

Star Trek the Original Series: 3 seasons (79 Episodes)
Star Trek the Animated Series: Two Seasons (22 Episodes)
Star Trek Movies (6 Films)

Star Trek the Next Generation: Seven Seasons (178 Episodes)
Next Generation Movies (4 Films)
Star Trek Deep Space Nine: (176 Episodes)
Star Trek Enterprise Voyager (172 Episodes)
Star Trek Enterprise (98 Episodes)
2009 Star Trek re-boot (1 Film)

= One crippled mind.

I love me some Trek don't get me wrong. Hell I even went to the Superbowl of Trek conventions to see Nimoy and Shatner on the same stage. (It was awesome they served beer and I saw a sad-sack looking Chekhov alone at his table on my way to grab a foamer during the main event) I dug the Next Generation and T.O.S. growing up but I always thought Deep Space Nine sucked balls, I mean they never went anywhere and that was the whole fucking point in my book so I quickly lost interest in Trek as a whole.

I wish I could give a better reason for doing this other than "I couldn't find anyone else who has." It was one of those things you think of and then you think "well somebody has done it, right?" You get kind of excited then Google reminds you that you're really not that clever after all. I mean I scoured the internets for some sour smelling obese gentlemen with a daily Trek blog and came up short. Sooooo... Here we go Episode 1 of the Original Series.

Star Trek The Original Series
Episode: 01
"The Man Trap"
Stardate: 1513.1
Writers: Marc Daniels, George Clayton Johnson

The first episode really sets the tone for the old joke about wearing a red uniform, Unless your Kirk, Spock or McCoy for god sakes don't beam down, your most likely fucked. Four Crewmen loose there life to a shapeshifting salt junkie of an Alien. Kirk and crew visit a desolate archeological dig on planet M-113 to do routine medical examinations on McCoy's old flame and her new husband Mr. and Mrs Crater. After disposable crewman Darnell gets the Sodium Chloride sucked from his body they begin to suspect something is amiss with the Archeologist and their inquires into salt tablets. Things happen, beaming goes on, shapes are shifted and the slowest of fight scenes ends the episode with MCoy having to phaser the shit out of the woman he used to love, only to find out she was nothing but a salt whore of an alien all along. All in all a pretty good inaugural episode. You see that Spock is all science and no play as he smacks down advances from Lt. Uhura and we are introduced to Kirk's general badassery as he demands the takedown of the last of an entire species. Prime Directive be damned. We are also introduced to Yeoman Janice Rand with whom I hope to make beautiful space babies with someday. I was disappointed in the 23rd century office placards though.