Day 6: Star Trek the Original Series "Mudd's Women"

This episodes opens with Kirk and crew chasing a ship through an astroid belt. Putting the Enterprise in danger and just barely getting the crew off the renegade ship before it's destroyed by an astroid. On board the flamboyant smuggler Harcourt Fenton Mudd and his three 60's sultry vixens. Here's the rub. The enterprise seems to have run all out of lithium crystals saving Mudd and his ladies and has to change course to Rigel XXI a Lithium mining planet. The crew of the ship can't seem to help but ogle the ladies and it's quickly discovered they have a hypnotic effect on the crew. An onboard trial confirms Mudd's criminal past and he is placed under space arrest. The ladies it seems are to be wedded to desolate outpost where the need for lovely space vagina is most needed. Using the ladies Mudd manages to contact the three male members of Rigel XXI's mining crew and work out a deal, the crystals for the ladies and Mudd's freedom. Kirk wants none of this but eventually acquiesces when the ship, low on power, is about to spiral down and crash into the planet. It turns out however that Mudd's women are actually quite homely and are kept beautiful by the Venus drug. In the end after a rather embarrassing monologue that points out how male dominated the 60's were the ladies are accepted by the miners, even though they are "ugly." whaaaaa!?...... You see kids it's the inner beauty that we posses that makes horny lithium crystal miners want us.

Day 5: Star Trek the Original Series "The Enemy Within"

This episode is classic Trek getting to the heart

of the human condition style shit. In this

installment a transporter accident leads to the literal case of a man breaking down to the id, the ego, and the William Shatner. What transpires is a goldmine of Kirk facial exaggerations.

While on a geographical exploration of Alpha 177 a crew member is beamed up with some sort of space ore that effects the magnetic something or another with the transporter. When

Kirk beams up from the planet he is split into two Kirks, one made up of all the "negative"

aspects and one of al the "good." The problem you see is that it's the negative aspects mixed

with the positive ones that make Kirk Kirk. Without his inner moral compa

ss to he goes on a

Saurian brandy bender and attempts to get space freaky on Yeoman Janice Rand. Now that's just not cool evil Kirk. Eventually after a Spock brings down the Vulcan thunder with a nerve pinch Evil Kirk is restrained and the now indecisive and frightened good Kirk must make the risky decision to use the transporter to join the two Kirks together together again.

This good Kirk, bad Kirk wrangling is made all the more urgent due to the fact that Sulu and the rest of the landing party are stuck on Alpha 177's surface that plummeting to extreme colds as night falls. After some sweet Kirk on Kirk action they are both transported and brought back as one. This episode is classic.

It also has this sweet shot of Sulu carrying a little horned dog. The second least gay thing Sulu does.

Day 4: Star Trek The Original Series "The Naked Time"

I'm no Federation specialist on communicable diseases but when beamed down to a planet where everybody is dead under unusual circumstances I would advise against doing this.

This brillliant move by Crewman Joe Tormolen leads to the crew of the Enterprise being infected with what Spock so eloquently describes as a new sort of "space madness." Joe eventually becomes despondent and offs himself with a butter knife but not before infecting Sulu and other crew members. This "space madness" leads to what can only be described as George Takei's least gay moment ever as he tries to take on the crew with his fencing foil.

In the enusing madness Lt. Kevin Riley the ships navigator takes control leading the ship on a collision course with the planet they were sent to witness the destruction of. The space madness it turns out replicates the effects of severe intoxication and breaks down inhibitions causing Spock to break down. Loosing control of his Vulcan emotional side Spock's human side begins to weep like a child.

Eventually Bones comes up with a "space madness serum" and Kirk and Scotty come up with a risky maneuver to get the ship out of an orbit that would have caused them to crash into the planet PSI 2000. This maneuver, something to with with matter and anti-matter, causes to the ship to go back in time three days and sets the stage for lots of time traveling in the future I am sure.

Day 3: Star Trek the Original Series "Where No Man Has Gone Before"

Sorry for the inadequate post on this episode. Posting from the road is turing out to be a little trickier than I initially thought. If anyone knows of a good app that's Blogger friendly for the iPhone it would be appreciated. I just wanted to say That Yeoman Janice Rand has now been substituted by Elizabeth Dehner as my Star Trek love.

Also, nine crewman are killed in this episode meaning to date that's 13 crewman Kirk has lost under his command. It seems being stationed to the Enterprise is a bit of a death warrant. According to Kirk in the "Charlie X" episode there are only 428 crew members on board, so there are only 419 left. Get your shit together Kirk!

Ok, I'm Treking from the road so I'm not sure how this is going to work out. This episode was supposed to be first one on the air but was thought to be too cerebral. Short description: Space cloud, Kirks's old college buddy and the hot new psychiatrist on board turn into some sort of kick ass psychic gods, Kirk saves day after inter-god/human struggle. Sorry that's it I'm in Dallas and there's fucking Brother's pizza to eat!

-Corey out.

And if your ever in Dallas get some of the best pie ever.

Day 2: Star Trek the Original Series "Charlie X"

First of all when a kid that just boarded your ship makes this face you can pretty much guess that the shits going south.

In this episode the above creep show Charlie Evens is transported to the Enterprise by the crew of the Antares, it just so happens they forgot to mention that Charlie is some sort of omnipotent being capable of doing just about anything. (except looking even somewhat normal in every scene) Turning people into lizards, making their face disappear, Charlie broke Spock's legs for looking at him the wrong way for gods sake. Charlie is basically the kid from the Twilight Zone episode "It's a Good Life" but with an alien twist ending. He falls for Yeoman Janice Rand, and yes I hope those space babies of mine are soon on their way, but when she rebukes his ever increasingly freakish advances he looses his shit and threatens the crew of the Enterprise. In the end it turns out Charlie is just a misunderstood Thasian teen that wants the love of non green translucent parental figures.

Oh yea, and here is the sweetest homoerotic pic of Kirk to date.

Day 1: Star Trek the Original Series "The Man Trap"

Go ahead, hit play.

You're probably wondering why I called you here. It's to announce that I'll be blogging my way through every episode in the entire Trek canon. But... Jesus Corey, that would take like two years, we'll my nebbish friends it will take almost exactly two years. I've crunched the numbers and they work out like this.

Star Trek the Original Series: 3 seasons (79 Episodes)
Star Trek the Animated Series: Two Seasons (22 Episodes)
Star Trek Movies (6 Films)

Star Trek the Next Generation: Seven Seasons (178 Episodes)
Next Generation Movies (4 Films)
Star Trek Deep Space Nine: (176 Episodes)
Star Trek Enterprise Voyager (172 Episodes)
Star Trek Enterprise (98 Episodes)
2009 Star Trek re-boot (1 Film)

= One crippled mind.

I love me some Trek don't get me wrong. Hell I even went to the Superbowl of Trek conventions to see Nimoy and Shatner on the same stage. (It was awesome they served beer and I saw a sad-sack looking Chekhov alone at his table on my way to grab a foamer during the main event) I dug the Next Generation and T.O.S. growing up but I always thought Deep Space Nine sucked balls, I mean they never went anywhere and that was the whole fucking point in my book so I quickly lost interest in Trek as a whole.

I wish I could give a better reason for doing this other than "I couldn't find anyone else who has." It was one of those things you think of and then you think "well somebody has done it, right?" You get kind of excited then Google reminds you that you're really not that clever after all. I mean I scoured the internets for some sour smelling obese gentlemen with a daily Trek blog and came up short. Sooooo... Here we go Episode 1 of the Original Series.

Star Trek The Original Series
Episode: 01
"The Man Trap"
Stardate: 1513.1
Writers: Marc Daniels, George Clayton Johnson

The first episode really sets the tone for the old joke about wearing a red uniform, Unless your Kirk, Spock or McCoy for god sakes don't beam down, your most likely fucked. Four Crewmen loose there life to a shapeshifting salt junkie of an Alien. Kirk and crew visit a desolate archeological dig on planet M-113 to do routine medical examinations on McCoy's old flame and her new husband Mr. and Mrs Crater. After disposable crewman Darnell gets the Sodium Chloride sucked from his body they begin to suspect something is amiss with the Archeologist and their inquires into salt tablets. Things happen, beaming goes on, shapes are shifted and the slowest of fight scenes ends the episode with MCoy having to phaser the shit out of the woman he used to love, only to find out she was nothing but a salt whore of an alien all along. All in all a pretty good inaugural episode. You see that Spock is all science and no play as he smacks down advances from Lt. Uhura and we are introduced to Kirk's general badassery as he demands the takedown of the last of an entire species. Prime Directive be damned. We are also introduced to Yeoman Janice Rand with whom I hope to make beautiful space babies with someday. I was disappointed in the 23rd century office placards though.